Today we’ll talk about what an emotional swing in a relationship is. How do use the emotional swing for relationships to interest and attract attention (within reason)? Examples of emotional swings that can be used to “conquer” the second half. How to recognize emotional swings from the other side (signs) that they are being used and manipulated against you? How to get rid of it? The ethics of emotional swings in love. Is it worth doing this and how to do it without such manipulation?
Definition of emotional swings You may have heard something about the “cold-hot” method, which is common among would-be pickup artists. So this is what is called an emotional swing. Either you are sweet and kind, in love and caring with a girl, then you are silent, distant and pretend that you are practically unfamiliar. Especially often in the “cold” use insults. By the way, this is not only the prerogative of guys, girls do it too, sometimes unconsciously. If this is done consciously, it will take quite a lot of time. In addition, one must be a rare bastard to do so for a long time and on purpose, remaining indifferent to the suffering of a girl (or vice versa).
How does it all happen?
A boy and a girl meet. They talk and start to fall in love with each other. At first, their communication resembles a love story, a beautiful story. And, let’s say, at the apogee, a guy confesses his love to a girl and then disappears for about a week. He can do it consciously, manipulating, or not on purpose.
At this time, the girl is surprised, excited and looks forward to meeting, at the same time falling head over heels in love with him. Then the guy breaks into her life and shows his feelings, the couple reunites, everything is fine – flowers, gifts and so on. This fairy tale lasts for several days or a week, and then bam … and the guy disappears again without saying anything. Then, after another week or two, he suddenly appears in front of her “like a leaf in front of the grass” and pretends that nothing happened at all.
This story repeats itself time after time. He disappeared – returned and told her how he suffered without her, caresses and gives gifts, may even offered to move, etc. something else, sometimes even blocking her number on her phone, because the poor girl calls in confusion and wants to sort things out. Some time passes and hello again. A marriage proposal may even follow. In general, the essence is clear.
Of course, not all girls or guys are ready to endure this. And yes, most often, emotional swings in relationships are easier to endure for those who have many mental problems, were brought up in dysfunctional families and were emotionally traumatized. If this girl were adequate, knew how to value herself, was brought up in a complete family, or at least saw, read how a loving man who respects his woman should behave, and so on, then she would not tolerate such absences of a guy without explanation reasons, and even more so, would not rush to his chest after his sudden appearance.
Analysis of the principle of the emotional swing
Let’s try to figure out what it is, using our senses. Let’s say you are in this situation. Your beloved looks at you lovingly, coos and hugs, and everything is fine with you. And then she disappears or pretends not to know you. How so? What happened? You can probably think that you are to blame for her behavioural changes. You may even begin to analyze all your actions, words, and so on.
That’s how it works. The one who was left often worries about this situation tries to understand what happened and literally goes crazy. And it’s a shame that everything can break like this because of some kind of misunderstanding. And then suddenly the girl comes back to you, and you are terribly happy, even more, because you have been waiting for so long.
And then everything repeats. If your girlfriend is manipulative, she may make claims after her disappearance, for example, say that you are unfaithful and so on. And you can start making excuses, just crazy about this.
Emotional swings in relationships cause destructive addiction. It also reduces self-esteem, and causes a feeling of guilt. That is why it is very dangerous and harmful to associate with such people.
Common methods of this tactic
This manipulation technique, although sometimes not used specifically. If you want to try to interest a girl in this way, you must understand how it works. At the same time, try not to go too far, as this is still unenvironmentally friendly behaviour.
Contrast shower for the soul:
- Instil hope This is what is called confessions of feelings. Hints of a joint future, so that a person expects happiness and so on. It happens that these are jokes with slight hints that you want to marry or some provocative questions. You can, for example, use this, but not for long, and if you want to maintain a relationship, then you will need to eventually put it all into practice. After all, if you are the same prince that the girl has always been looking for, then be kind – correspond.
- Decreased self-esteem Emotional swings in relationships break a person very much, make him understand that he is not particularly good, but the manipulator fell in love with him. The shortcomings of the existing ones are constantly reminded, in addition, there are new ones. So it’s better not to do it at all. But if you want to rise at the expense of a girl, then you can use it, but you must understand that there is not enough of a logical, healthy relationship here. It is better to turn to a psychologist if you notice such a desire in yourself to humiliate your woman, and not to support her.
3. Manipulation of loneliness This happens very often when a guy does everything so that the girl feels abandoned at the moments of loss and is afraid of this loneliness once again.
If you want to use this method, then it is better to disappear for a serious reason: work, illness, forced departure. At the same time, try to warn the girl that you will not be there. Believe me, this forced separation will also kindle a love fire in you, unlike low intentional threats.
4. “To blame without guilt” A person who likes to use the emotional swing in a relationship intentionally, instead of ending the relationship if things are that bad, gets high when they blame the partner. His poor partner is both a traitor, and the devil in the flesh, and the person, perplexed and attached, really feels this guilt. If you want to try to play on guilt, the person must be really guilty. If he is not to blame, then it is unlikely that you will succeed (well, except that he is dependent on you). Is it worth playing on guilt, decide for yourself. With girls, it can work, but not always and not with all.
Why use these swings
Despite the history of pick-ups, we all often use manipulation techniques. And, it is worth repeating, very often we do it ourselves without suspecting it. Why?
1. Desire to assert itself We often use manipulation, especially with our relatives. Just because it boosts self-esteem. You feel that you can influence a person. In love, these are gradual deflections so that there is time to adapt, and now … the girl is already calmly enduring your unreasonable absences.
2. Egocentrism Such people simply trudge through life from themselves, from their significance for loved ones. They do not think about the emotions of a partner at all. But nevertheless, they can love their halves, only themselves more anyway.
3 God Syndrome Narcissists want to feel omnipotent and therefore they try by any means to make a person feel like someone insignificant, or petty. They think that everything is permitted to them, and they are obliged to forgive him. If you are one of those, then it is better to descend from heaven to earth.
4. Stupidity Yes, it happens. Here a person acts unconsciously, and if you talk to him and explain that his stupid behaviour hurts, he will definitely improve. If you are stupid and regularly hurt your girlfriend, simply because you suddenly decided to pause or hang out, and you forgot to warn her or decided that this is obvious, and she is obliged to accept everything, then until she tells you this, you will not wake up. There is only hope that the girl will be smarter.
5. Pickup Guys, especially young ones, really want to be popular and try to seduce a lady in every possible way. This is the “pull” technique. So whether you need it also depends on whether you want to “shoot” or want a normal relationship.
Self-doubt and emotional swing tactics
It can be seen that most often such manipulation techniques are used by people who have an inferiority complex, do not feel significant and loved, and also believe that everything is allowed to them if they know this secret.
If you are calm, and confident, and know that you love and love in return, then you will not need the help of manipulation. Emotional swings in relationships characterize them as dependent, abusive, and unhealthy in general.
if you want to captivate, bind to yourself in this way, you can really succeed, but think for yourself why you are doing this. If you just want to spark interest, then you can do without a swing anyway. Or, for that matter, do it to a minimum and within the boundaries (although this is a lie – the emotional swing is an invasion “from the foot” into the personal boundaries of a person, they break these boundaries).
Yes, unconscious manipulation takes place, but this is not very good either, it needs to be monitored and stopped oneself.
Of course, we can say that we all have the right to choose, free will, and if manipulations offend us so much, then we simply don’t need to be led by them. But when a person has fallen in love, he becomes vulnerable to all kinds of manipulation. Anyone who has something to lose is too worried about your, as it seems to you, innocent threats, blackmail, harsh expressions, or insults in a fit of feelings do not mean anything like that, and a person can get psychologically traumatized.
There are a lot of examples when guys allowed themselves to arrange an emotional swing in a relationship, and girls were led and endured more and more, it even comes to the point that they endure insults, because after that a stormy stream of apologies follows, and then such girls endure cruel appeal. And they can’t leave, because such a manipulative abuser puts pressure on the patient because he knows her dreams, plans, and home address after all. After episodes of violence, an episode of “turning in confession” follows with armfuls of flowers and fiery speeches about the family. The girl forgives, because rose-coloured glasses do not allow them to see the whole horror of the situation, and his self-esteem skyrockets – he showed cruelty and went unpunished! Wow! Do not try to further probe the boundaries of what is permitted.
Therefore, if you decide to play such dangerous games, then you better not. You can achieve much more if you act within the boundaries.