Draft dissertation for the degree of candidate of sociological sciences on the topic “How to choose a good wife for life.”
Dear gentlemen and ladies!
As we can see, a terrifying and very deplorable situation has developed on the love front. In some states, there are significantly more divorces per hundred marriages (snidely: some will think that we made a mistake in mathematics, everything is fine with mathematics, think).
The latest trends have led to the fact that selfishness, hedonism, selfishness, and commercialism dominate people, which leads to a colossal drop in the birth rate and a catastrophic decrease in legal marriages. Couples are less and less interested in children because it is expensive, too long, too responsible, and so on. Interests have shifted sharply to the area of consumerism. Recall past centuries: women and even queens gave birth to ten children at least. Unfortunately or fortunately, modern medicine and the worship of hedonism have led to fewer and fewer children.
The widespread consumer attitude, even, it would seem, in such a sincere sphere as in love, greatly complicates the search for a real wife for a man. And if earlier girls dreamed of marriage, now civil marriages are in vogue. A survey in different countries showed an interesting thing: among women who are in a civil marriage, 95% of women consider themselves married, and 95% of men consider themselves completely free and do not feel any responsibility.
Let’s see what happened before in history. I would like to study how these processes were treated in antiquity. Unfortunately, reliable sources and information about what happened many centuries ago have not survived to this day. The first available sources are from ancient Rome and Greece. How was marriage viewed in ancient Greece? When the Greek Socrates was asked if it was worth getting married, the answer was the following (in a free translation, taking into account modernity, it sounds something like this): it is necessary to get married. A lucky ticket will fall out – you will find a good wife and be happy, you will not draw a lucky ticket, you will be a philosopher. The meaning is deep but does not let us understand what algorithm a man should use to make a choice.
Let’s see what else famous personalities said about this. A long time ago, Omar Khayyam wrote beautiful poems about how to choose a wife. The main point is that it is necessary to choose a wife not by appearance and exterior, but by her inner qualities. It is unreasonable for a man to choose a woman with a beautiful face and long legs. After all, we marry a whole woman … In the Middle Ages, the choice based on appearance was encouraged, by the way, neither by the church nor by public opinion. Beautiful women, on the contrary, were burned, since, according to the church, they attracted, corrupted and evoked base feelings in the male half. If we remember the Bible, then there Adam was seduced by a woman, and she, in turn, by the devil. Beautiful women gave rise to wrong desires in men, which did not at all coincide with the biblical commandments.
Chekhov also did not stand aside and gave us a hint. He compared choosing a woman for beauty with buying an unnecessary thing in the market just because she is good. By the way, he also said that you need to love exactly your equals. If we love the best (in terms of beauty, intelligence, and so on), then this is selfishness. In other words, you need to choose a wife (and husband) to suit yourself.
Shakespeare also expressed a very interesting opinion on the topic of our discussion. In his works, he described the transformation of a woman from the gentle and fluffy Juliet to the evil Lady Macbeth, thereby showing that after marriage such “Juliets” often turn into “bloodthirsty tyrants” like the described character Lady Macbeth (snide remark: we constantly keep in mind the basic Instinct). A good illustration of the above is Shakespeare’s poem:
“My eyes are not in love with you, –
They see your vices.
And the heart is none of your faults
He does not see and does not agree with his eyes.
Poets such as Petrarch wrote tender sonnets dedicated to their beloved, but again they were silent about how to choose a worthy, loving wife.
At the same time, O. Henry wrote three beautiful stories which can be traced in an allegorical form, which woman is suitable for the role of wife. In the story “Peaches”, the main character is a capricious, selfish and not entirely logical female representative who thinks only about herself and her desires and is, according to O. Henry, not fit for a wife. In another work, “While the car is waiting,” from the very first moment a woman deceives a man, proudly declaring her imaginary status in high society and posing as someone she is not even close to. Naturally, in favour of such a girl, the choice would be unreasonable.
But in the story “The Gift of the Magi” a completely different story is shown, which could become an example for many couples and families. It shows a loving, caring woman who is ready to make sacrifices for the sake of her beloved. You can’t marry such a woman, but you need to marry (of course, if you read this story, it will become clear that sacrifice and care come from both sides. Despite modest financial opportunities, both a man and a woman are ready to make sacrifices for each other). The story “Gifts of the Magi” could become a reference book for all men and women.
Alexander Pushkin noted this issue. Everyone remembers his poem “I remember a wonderful moment: you appeared before me …” But real life again showed that the outer shell does not always speak of a good woman, and later, disappointed, he wrote in a letter completely different things about the woman whom once dedicated his beautiful poem.
In the tale of the fisherman and the fish, Pushkin tells of the unhappy marriage of an old woman and an old man. Either the old woman is to blame for being too grumpy and angry, or the old man is lazy or, as they say, based on modern women’s views, a complete “loser” and “rogue”. The fact remains, that the marriage is unsuccessful, and the old man and the old woman made the wrong choice.
Let us return to the famous authorities and philosophers, and to their attempts to reveal the secret of choosing a woman as a wife.
Nietzsche said: “Marriage is like a long conversation. When entering into marriage, you need to ask yourself the question: do you think that you will be able to talk well with this woman until old age?…” Nietzsche also speaks very negatively about falling in love, believing that a person in love is a short-sighted person. As soon as he puts on glasses, a person will immediately be healed from falling in love. If he also thinks carefully about what will happen to the figure and face of his partner in twenty years, he will completely abandon the idea of marrying. Consequently, we again conclude that the main thing is still not appearing.
Many philosophers were not fans of marriage. Bion said: “an ugly wife will be your punishment, a beautiful one will be your common property,” Diogenes believed that it was too early to marry young, it was too late for the old, that is, again giving a negative answer.
Schopenhauer, famous for his negative approach to various areas, did not leave a marriage without a gloomy description. His words: “to marry means to halve your rights and double your duties” (by the way, this quote explains why the popularity of marriages is declining).
Oscar Wilde did not pass by either, who believed that both women and men would be disappointed after marriage, and the Emperor of France, Napoleon, believed that marriage was not provided for by nature.
Based on the foregoing, throughout the history of civilization, all the minds have not offered a real way to evaluate and choose a woman. However, in anticipation of the rigorous final mathematical methods of finding a good wife, one simple rule can be proposed today: a man’s life after marriage should be happier than before marriage. The same applies to a woman: if she is unhappy in marriage, then the man will be unhappy.
PS Unfortunately, from the above it is not clear where to find so many good women for marriage.